Paris
We are in Paris, a city that I love. We go to mass in L'Église de la
Madeleine and in the afternoon, we go to the museum of Picasso.
As I have my drawing pad with me, I do occasionally a few drawings
and sketches, and many people are looking at me and my drawings
too as they pass by, it is funny! Maybe they think that I am good!
A young boy, around 7, are very interested in my drawings, and as
his older sister comes along, she says to her brother, in awe:
«look at the lady who is drawing!!», but he already did, and then
the two of them tell their dad, and it is so funny, because in the
middle of this exhibition, they are according me more attention
than Picasso!!
Every day we walk around the city, different arrondissements,
different styles, different atmospheres.
But all beautiful. The women are beautiful too, they have style,
they take care how they dress.
Monday the 10th September we spend the whole day in Montmartre,
after having spent some time in Adoration in the Basilica of
Sacre Coeur first.
I ran up all the steps of La Butte de Montmartre, to have some exercise.
We also visited the museum of Montmartre, and in the garden there is
the famous vineyard. When I passed by, a little boy who was with his
family, on the footpath outside, saw me and said in an amazed voice:
«Mammy, look, there is a woman in the vineyard!»
On Tuesday morning we have mass in St. Elisabeth d'Hongarie in the
3.rd district, with a very interesting homily by the new young parish
priest, we take advantage of the beautiful sunshine by hanging out in
the park around the corner, and I make sure to post the postcard to my
friends; the nuns, back in the village.
Father Nicolas's new parish
I go to morning Mass in the new parish of Father Nicolas. He comes
over to me afterwards to say hello,and I tell him that it is difficult for
me to go to Mass now in the village because of all the slander.
He says straight away that «he has not heard anything, and that anyway,
in a village it is inevitable that people talk».
I tell him that I am not talking about that, that this has to do with him
since it concerns all the people that was close to him in the village.
I tell him that slander is a crime. He raises his voice in panic and says:
«No, no, no!!»
I say it started just after Chantal went to talk to him regarding the
rumours about him.
He then says: «Yes, and she spoke about what she had heard at the
place where she works».
(the exact words that I had used when I spoke to the nun when she
came and presented herself as a friend in order to get information
from me).
She had obviously gone directly back to him and told him word for
word what I had relayed to her.
I realized that it was him who had sent her on the errand to me to find
out what I was saying.
«You can trust me, I am your friend, I will tell no-one» my friend the
nun had kept repeating.
Oh my God, it seems that no-one here knows what they are saying or
doing.
She was surprised that I did not trust her. «Don't you trust me?», she
kept saying.
«I am here because I care about you, because you are sad», she said.
It is sick and perverse, to lie and pretend, on mission for the priest,
acting like an informer.
It is finished now.
I am not going back to that church with those horrible and brainless
morons. What hypocrites.
I write to a friend in Ireland:
'I feel like an outcast now.
All this started with a former parish priest, who is young and popular.
There was a lot of rumours going on for a long time regarding his close
friendship with a young woman.
He had to go away for a while, it was so bad.
A friend of mine and I spoke about it, and my friend decided to speak to
the priest about it, to warn him of the dangers.
Ever since then, the people closest to the priest: the members of the parish
councel, the leaders of the differents groups to do with the teaching of the
faith, plus the woman friend of the priest, have all been cold and nasty to
me.
I have essentially been made a scapegoat, and I feel, by the priest himself.
For what exactly, I do not know, because nobody says directly what the
"charge" against me is.
When I finally said out loud that I do not appreciate all this, everybody
denies ever having heard anything about me, including the priest.
In other words: i am imagining it.
There was also suggestions than I was suffering from depression.
These are people that are in charge of passing on the faith, a faith
that I hold very dearly.
They are now hurting me more by their lies and denials.
I just want to defend myself against this slander. But I can't.
I am very disappointed as well, these people show by their behaviour
that they have not understood the faith that they are in charge of
transmitting.
To top it all off, a religious sister who lives nearby, came knocking
on my door recently, being ever so sweet, saying that she only came
by because she had seen me in the church being upset. She told me
repeatedly that it was completely confidential and that I could trust her,
she would tell nobody. Even though I told her initially that I could not
speak about it, as it is a criminal matter, after a while I decided to tell
her that I had the clear impression that my friend who had gone to the
priest to talk , had presented the issue in a way to make it look as if it
was me that was behind the rumours, which was not the case because
it was a subject on everybody's lips. The priest got a bad reputation
and some people took their children out of the catechism classes.
I believe the priest decided to stick the blame on me, to take responsibility
off himself, and he told his closest co-workers.
After saying this to the Sister, I then found out that she had gone back
to the priest and told him what I said, in other words, she acted like an
informer.
The church gang appears to me now more like the Mafia than anything
to do with God.
Regarding my friend, I forgave her and did not judge her, but I needed to
protect myself from her, as she had hurt me.
She has good qualities too, but she is very defensive and never
"does anything wrong". Saying it to her would automatically procure
a denial.
As I did not want to create a scene, I felt it would be better for everybody
that she would realize herself that what she had done has hurt me.
She seemed to be supported for a while by "the establishment" (for the
want of a better word!), and I was considered as "unstable" or "depressed",
(they even said it to me).
That re-enforced her own " I have not done anything wrong" position,
because she was told by the others that she was right, even by the priest.
But what I have experienced over a period of 6 months, is not in my
imagination, it really happened.
This has not made me depressed either, but socially I feel isolated, and
completely judged.
I get angry that they are all so self defensive, everybody just denies
blankly that anything was ever said.
If they could just admit it, we could move on together. At the same time,
they say they want me to stay,
(because of the high quality of my presence they say! How ironic.) but I
do not see how I can.
Our faith is supposed to bring light into our intelligence, but this is not
what I see here. I wonder if they are all just machines.'
Sunday Mass
Thank God that I am late for Sunday morning Mass, because as I enter,
a bit late, the Mass has not started, but the recruitment of the people for
the various tasks is has already taken place. It is the new parish priest
who is responsible, he does it this way, so that it is official, one cannot
change one's mind afterwards. I am happy that I was not present,
because after the last 6 months I feel no motivation to participate in
anything at all to do with this parish.
After mass there is the big meal together in the parish hall, everybody
is asking us if we are going.
I hesitate, as I do not feel any desire to go, I do not like these people,
they bother me.
But as a mark of self respect, and to demonstrate my right to be there,
I decide to go.
It it a pity, but this is the way it is.
How can you pretend to be teaching others to tell the truth, when you
yourself lie, deny, cover up, blame others in order to protect yourself?
Are they serious?
There is no power in that method, that is the way of the world, not the
way of Jesus: who is the Truth, the Way, that leads to real Life.
To use the church as a way to socialize, which implies that one conforms
to the mentalities of the others.
I
remember so clearly what the priest said recently in his homily on
John the Baptist's feast day, when the gospel recounted how they had cut
off John the Baptist's head:
«We are here talking about zero awareness, zero awareness.
He repeated it many times, to underline it.
Then he said: «conformity leads very often to zero awareness».
I went to confession when I was in Paris recently.
When I told the priest what had happened here in this parish,
the first thing he said was:
«Jesus too was accused of something he had not done»
That corresponded exactly to my own thoughts and feelings.
What can I do? Nothing.
And when I asked; «nobody had heard anything about me».
So, to make matters worse, they are lying to me, in order that I
cannot be able to defend myself. That is mob mentality.
The dishonesty of these people is disappointing, their lack of
integrity, and to be honest: lack of intelligence.
When Saint Thérèse was very young, during her illness, before she
entered into the convent, her father criticised her for what he deemed
her «childish behaviour».
She had lost her mother when she was 4, and then she also lost the
older sister who had taken the place of her mother, when she left the
family home to enter the convent.
She was not understood, and judged harshly and unfairly, and it must
have hurt her, but it seemed to have marked the beginning of the turning
point for her.
I also think of something that is mentioned in regard to Marthe Robin's
life.
As a young girl, she was often sick and bedridden.
It was certainly not the case that she did not want to help her
parents on the farm, as they needed all the help they could get.
She wanted to help, but she was unable, and she got sicker and
sicker. She was prescribed medication, which was costly, and
one day her father asked her if she thought that she «deserved that»,
as she «did not do contribute to the farm».
That must have hurt her, she was treated unfairly and judged, and
by her own father who she dearly loved.
She was completely innocent and helpless.
Did either one of them become harsh and bitter? No, just the opposite,
the two of them are saints, well, Marthe Robin has not been declared
saint yet, but «blessed», but I hope she will be declared saint.
It is not humanly possible to truly forgive somebody who has hurt you,
in your heart. With your lips, yes, but from your heart, no.
We always retain the memory, and a whole lifetime afterwards, we say:
«do you know what he/she said/did to me, 50 years ago, etc»
But with the help of God, we can forgive.
In fact, hurt or injustice done to us, becomes the very tool for us
to move closer to God. The cross accepted.
Jesus blessed his big, heavy cross when it was given to Him to carry
all the way to Calvary.
Therefore, I ask God for His help to forgive and forget, because His
power is infinite, whereas my own capacities are very limited.
Morning thoughts
As I wake up, I know that I have everything that I could ever
possibly want.
Most of all, I have people that love me, and who I love.
My grown up children are doing well, working and studying hard,
getting themselves organised to live in this world. The weather is
still warm and sunny.
Any hurt, pain, injustice, agony, I accept it internally, I might take
some action in relation to it, but most importantly, I accept it. That
leaves me free, and spacious, space for Jesus to grow in me.
I
am doing a course on line, and in the teaching of Mary;
the Mother of God, the most important aspect is her total acceptance
of everything she lived through.
She was standing in an upright position at the foot of the cross when
her beloved innocent Son died an agonizing death. She did not crumble
or crack. She is my Mother and Model, she teaches me surrender.
Every day I surrender everything to God.
In the afternoon I go to the city, where I always meet nice people.
I join a Rosary group, we pray and talk for an hour and a half.
Later on I participate in the evening prayers of the Church
followed by Mass. Today's reading ( from the letter of Saint Paul to the
Galatians) and Gospel (according to Saint Luke) is about how their
primary concern was to fulfill all the exteriour obligations according to
the Law, but that all that would count for nothing unless it corresponded
with good intentions of the heart.
«While Jesus was speaking, a Pharisee invited him to dine with him; so
he went in and took his place at the table. The Pharisee was amazed to
see that he did not first wash before dinner. Then the Lord said to him,
"Now you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but
inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You fools! Did not the
one who made the outside make the inside also? So give for alms
those things that are within; and see, everything will be clean for you."
(Luke 11:37-41)
In his homily the priest talks about awareness of what it is in reality that
is motivating us, the condition of our heart, our soul, awareness of our
feelings, thoughts, hidden from others and sometimes hidden from ourselves,
all those things that belong to the «invisible world», but are in fact a world
more real than the world that we see with our eyes, which is constantly changing;
a superficial world.
It is spelt out in tomorrow's reading, they are amongst others: «sexual
immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred,
discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and
envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that
those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.»
(Galatians:19-21)
I think we need to be careful in regards to «doing good deeds»,
«ticking boxes» of doing all the «right things».
What is our motivation and understanding of what we are doing?
If it is :
«I am good, I am doing this and this, and therefore I will be saved:
I will inherit the kingdom of God».
We are saved by faith and by works, but some people are doing good
deeds in order to satisfy a psychological need in themselves, and are
not really motivated by love for others.
That is why examining of conscience, becoming aware of our thoughts
and beliefs which motivates our actions, and bringing them to Jesus in
Confession, is so important. Working on self awareness.
Living in the world, where we have so much to do every day, we forget
this, it becomes obscured. Unconsciously we fall back on our conditioning,
our culture, our way of reasoning, of codes of politeness, and the truth;
which is in our heart, we are not even aware of it.
But that does not prevent us from acting from it.
After I had explained to the former priest that slander is a crime, the
reaction afterwards was just as disappointing:
They all made big efforts to be really friendly, big smiles, the politeness
polished up. Did they think that that would make everything ok?
By pretending that nothing had happened?
They behave like the pharisiens, exteriour acts of «purification» that does
not match the interiour. There is a lack of transparency, of authenticity.
It is already too late now, they have dragged my name through the mud,
judged and condemned me, and at the same time refusing to tell me what
it was that I had done. («I have not heard anything about you!»)
None of them was present when I spoke with my friend, no one knew what
had been said, but that did not prevent them from straight away believing
what they heard from someone else.
God is not like that. He does not act like that.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your
ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are
higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and
my thoughts than your thoughts.»
(Isaiah 55:8-9) (NIV)
But I have to say that the behaviour of the priest raises many questions.
What motivates him, what is his real reason for «disciplining» these people.
Why bother, he is not even in this parish any longer.
Is it an effort to hide his own part in this whole sad story?
I got an email last night regarding the ordination of the new priest, and as
he also is implicated in this story, I have not the slightest desire to take part.
But they encourage everybody to come, first
of all to the rehearsals of the choir that will sing.
The problem is that I know this man, this new priest, he is old and he has
not much awareness of anything at all. He seems to be totally conformed
to the world, and that bothers me.
I am halfway into the book written just after Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger;
was elected pope. «This is our God».
It is a question and answers style book, and the journalist asks all those
questions that people really wants to ask, regarding the catholic religion.
The answers that the cardinal gives, excites and stuns me.
With its depth, truth, intelligence and power, it is exactly what I need now.
Spiritual Retreat
We are heading off to Châteaneuf-de-Galaure to take part in a week's
retreat entitled:
«The Symphony of Salvation» led by Père Bernard Michon.
On our way, we spend the night in Roanne, where we sleep in a
cheap hotel, but in spite of that, we have, both of us, a fantastic night's
sleep; we sleep 12 hours, which is unheard of!
The retreat is intense, with a full program every day:
morning prayer, conferences, teachings, Mass, Confession, Adoration,
Stations of the Cross, Anointing of the sick, etc.
At the end of it, for the second time, my friend says he wants to be baptized!
Village
As I wake up this morning, with a certain dread in my stomach.
I think of Marthe Robin,
and of the recent retreat. I feel straight away better, more balanced.
More HERE and NOW.
Marthe Robin accepted entirely her situation, she willingly lived it,
offered it up to God, for the saving of souls.
I want to do the same, to offer up my pain.
Maybe this is a very good thing for me, to surrender myself
more to God, to trust Him more, to rest in His peace.
With people I have to be much more wary and aware than I was
before.
I can participate in the church in the city instead of the one in the
village, no problem.
I do not have to force myself to endure the pain it entails to be
present with hypocrites.
My friend's decision to be baptized has so far met a blank wall with
the Church.
He has been told that it has to happen in one's own parish, it can not
take place anywhere else
So we went to Mass in the village where the parish priest lives, it is a
good bit away, but the priest was not there.
He has phoned many times his private number, left messages,
has written to him as well; so far, no response.
We are half joking amongst ourselves; are we on a black list?
Or is the Church full?
No more room, all the seats sold out?
The deacon who has now been ordained priest is celebrating Mass
alone this morning, without any help from any other priest.
When it comes to the consecration, he gets mixed up several times,
and the whole thing loses its coherence.
But at the end of the Mass, when it comes to the announcements;
we see that he offers opening hours at the presbytery every week,
in other words; in that way he shows that he is available to people.
A change from his predecessor Father Nicolas who was never available
for us, only for the «important» people.
We finally hear from the secretariat of the parish priest regarding the
baptism. The woman explains regarding the newly ordained priest
that he is only an auxiliary priest, she calls him «the baby priest»!
It confirms that my way of evaluating things corresponds with her's.
The now former priest has been seen in the village, even though he
does no longer live here. He has a new parish in the City; but he was
seen walking around with his woman friend who still lives here.
I am confused. He has done manœuvres to save his "career", even
though his reputation is obviously damaged, but now, what is he doing?
He comes back to the village to walk around the streets of the centre
of the village with this woman.
I get the feeling now that he is constructing his own downfall, his own
defrocking.
Short time after, in the town where I join up with the prayer group to
pray the Rosary, the woman leading prays for «vocation to the priesthood,
for good priests, holy priests, priests that does not let themselves be led
into temptation».
Evening Mass
At evening mass in a neighbouring village, the new auxiliary priest is
saying Mass, together with a young priest.
It is a strange experience, as the very structure of the Mass seems to be
dissolving, and in addition, nobody knows the songs, there is a total lack
of coherence, and I do not think that this is Mass.
A member of the pastoral team comes over to give me the leaflet that informs
of a night of prayer organized at the presbytery.
Later on, watching the news in the evening, we see the national protest group
«the yellow vests»
demonstrations, which turns violent, especially in Paris.
I understand the protest, and I support them.
People are suffocating with the never ending taxing of everything, from A to Z,
and ending up with of not having enough money to buy food.
That is not normal, there is something wrong with that.
That is why they need to protest.
What else are they supposed to do?
The people in power do not listen to the people.
Another Village in France:
We drive a long enough distance to another village to attend Mass!
Afterwards we walk around a bit in this charming medieval village,
and as we stop to admire a front door, the owner walks up to the
door to enter.
Before she do, we start to chat, and we spend an hour and a half talking,
about every subject under the sun.
Beautiful lady, very nice and easy to talk to.
In the afternoon my friend finally manages to get the parish priest on
the phone, to talk about his wish to be baptized.
The Media
The media are now using words like insurrection, revolution and war
in talking about «the yellow vests».
Good, they, and the government, are beginning to understand that it is
serious.
Tomorrow the protest group are going to block the refineries and the
ports.
We are filling up the jerry-can with petrol......
The shelves in the shops are beginning to show the effects of the protest
due to deliveries not being delivered.........
I will buy some stock of dry food tomorrow......
I must pray more.
The new parish
I am at Mass in the city, and when the priest comes out of the sacristy,
I see that it is Father Nicolas who is going to celebrate. As I am seated
up at the front, I see that he is uncomfortable in seeing me there, especially
as today he is alone.
The last time he was surrounded by other priests. He knows that the
parishioners here does not know him, and he can start again with them,
pretending he is the second coming of Curé D'Ars.
On the way out I meet the really nice sacristan, and I say to her that Father
Nicolas used to be in the village where I live, and as she laughs, I laugh too,
and I say jokingly: no, no, no!
She says: «But you know, Father Nicolas is a member of the Curé D'Ars
community»,
I know he did the same thing in our village, he gave the impression of being
a holy man by saying that, and at the same time he was ridiculing the
parishioners, and talking bad about them.
The Yellow vests
The media has talked continually about the 4th big demonstration
organized by the «yellow vests» that took place today.
The government has announced their readiness this time, because last
week-end they were not expecting what happened.
This time they are ready, and they announce it all week; more police,
the army, special forces, more water guns and tear gas.
Not surprisingly, the demonstrations are less violent, because now the
element of surprise is no longer present, the government is ready and
prepared. The leaders of the movement has declared that this is not a
demonstration, but a war, and I believe it. I do not think that these people
will just disappear, but they can no longer use
the social media to organize themselves.
They will have to go underground and become paramilitaries.
This is how the «troubles» in the North of Ireland started, a group of
people who just claimed their civil rights to housing, education, etc, on an
equal footing with their protestants co-citizens.
Here, now, we are talking about a majority of normal, ordinary, workers
who spend their life working hard long hours, and at the end of that, after
paying all the different taxes that are continually being invented, find
themselves in the situation of not having enough money to buy food.
Normally, when there is nothing left to lose, one is ready to fight, because
one has suffered enough.
I hear today that in the same way as a tv-licence is obligatory to pay for
anyone who has a telly,
there will now be a licence to pay for anyone who has a computer and a
mobile phone!
There is no end to it.
What happened in 1789 in Paris? The french revolution, people were starving,
they had nothing to lose. The revolted.
And now, like then, the french catholic church are siding with the government,
not with the ordinary people that suffers. What a pity.
Again, just the opposite of all the actions of Jesus, who was always on the side
of the people, and never on the side of the rulers and the powerful in this world.
The new parish priest
The parish priest is visiting to talk to my friend regarding his baptism.
The following day, as we are going to evening Mass in a neighbouring
village, I am met by the woman who leads the preparation of the Mass
meetings, the one who accused me during the preparation of the mass
meetings of «crucifying» people», who is there now with a gesture that
is meant to show me that «all is forgiven».
She has her arms wide open, like the father when the prodigal son returns.
It is the second time she does this, the first time she ran after me at the end
of Mass to kiss me on the cheek.
I find this charade hard to stomach.
Anyway, with her arms streched out in this gesture, I imagine that my face
gave her an idea of my feelings, so changes tack and just says that she has
a cold, so she will not kiss me.
«No problem», is all I say, with not even a hint of irony or any other emotion
in my voice, as I continue upwards inside the church.
The priest wants us to sit up at the front row.
At the end of Mass he announces the dinner that is going to take place in the
presbytery afterwards, which is organized around a talk and group work of the
Gospel of Saint Luke.
I have not made the inscription to attend, although I had been encouraged to
do so, but they say «that is no problem, there is space and food for everybody».
It is a nice evening, the priest is good.
Village:
At Mass this morning, luckily it is the new parish priest who is
offering Mass.
I like him, he is very natural, he is solid, intelligent, grounded.
And he has a quality that it takes me a while to recognize. I realize
afterwards that it is because it is such a rare quality, not many people
have it. It is true humility.
Thank you Jesus, for sending him to our parish.
Later on in the day I go to visit my friend; the Donkey. He is gorgeous,
I love him.
He is always delighted to see me, today too.
When he hears me coming, he runs up to the fence.
I give him some of the delicious weeds and grass that I am able to
pick from the outside of the fence, and I feed him through the holes in
the wire. He knows that it is a gesture of love, and not of feeding,
because he can do that himself, he does not need me for that!
Then he nibbles on my jacket sleeves as best he can, through the little
openings, and I feel that this is how he shows me his love.
There is something completely adorable about him. It is his humility.
I understand why Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, and not on a horse!
Christmas in France:
We are at Christmas night Mass, the chapel is full to the brim.
My friend is opening the Mass by reading a story which explains
Peace, Love, Faith and Hope
which is aided by 4 persons carrying candles that represent these
elements.
Then the Mass starts, and it is the newly ordained auxiliary priest
who is celebrating.
As usual, he is not present, he seems to retract even more,
and the consecration is very strange.
He seems blocked by something.
Fear? I do not know.
We have invited our neighbour for lunch. He lives alone, and we found
out that he is not going away anywhere for Christmas.
He arrives with a nice bottle of wine and a goats cheese.
As he is vegetarian, I have made a vegetable stew, and all goes well until
after the coffee, as we decide to go for a walk in the lovely sunny weather
before it goes dark.
The subject turns on immigration which is a controversial subject, because
those that have the opinion that it is necessary to stop the mass influx of
immigrants, are labelled racists by those that think it is ok to continue,
often due to their ignorance of the problems attached to it.
It is difficult for the indiginous population who wants to preserve their
country, culture and religion when they see their country beeing flooded
with immigrants of other cultures and religions.
The proportion of muslims amongst them is high and it is also a point in
the debate, because many of them do not respect the country and the
indigenous population that receives them.
How is that not a problem?
Anyway, our guest is not French, and he has never personally suffered
from the problem of immigration, but he says that in fact he is also an
immigrant, even though he is a white European and therefore not classed
as such.
But he has a lot to lose from a policy that reverses the wave of globalization.
Now that one country after the other talks about wanting to close their borders
against the influx of immigrants, in order to take back their economy, their jobs,
their culture.
So the atmosphere becomes tense, but as we go outside at that moment we avoid
it going any further.
They say that there are 2 subjects that must be avoided at all costs in conversation:
politics and religion.
Not easy ........
Spirit of Family
At Mass this evening it is the feast of the Holy Family.
It is our new parish priest who is celebrating. In his sermon he talks
about families, of us, who all make up family units of one sort or another.
It is, as we know, becoming more and more variants of family units.
Regarding the Holy Family he says: «Well, we have here a father who
was not really the father (Joseph), a mother who is a virgin, and what
have you....»
He then talks about us as a family community, and during the universal
prayers read by someone else, he adds at the end that we must pray
especially for own parish community,
as there is trouble and dis-accord here. He is right.
The teaching tells us to forgive one another.
I went to Confession just before Christmas where I confessed that I had
been holding on to anger. I realized that it was blocking my relationship
with God, my relationship with other people, and affecting my health.
I was expecting the people that had accused me to come and apologize,
but when they said that «nothing had ever been said», I did not know
how else to talk about it to get it out of the way.
But Jesus tells us to forgive, no matter what, even if they do not
apologize to us for the harm they have done.
«Forgiving others is a prerequisite for our own forgiveness.
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will
also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither
will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6: 14-15).
Time to reflect
The holiday period over Christmas and New Year has been pretty boring,
but at least it has allowed for time to rest, and to reflect. I now understand
more about the social and cultural differences.
The Church here seems to be a bourgeois institution, for the bourgeoisie
and by the bourgeoisie.
When I first arrived here, and was present at a social event in the church,
I was approached by one of the «pillars» of the church. The first question
she asked me is what my profession was.
I told her I did not have any.
The fact also that our house is well underneath average living standards,
must have also been a factor in determining that I could fill the role of the
scape goat in the human drama that followed,
I was perfect as I was a nobody.
This is not what the Church teaching is about, it has nothing whatsoever to
do with it.
It is not these kind of people that will allow the Church to continue it's
mission. The mission of telling the truth. The truth about us human
beings, the truth about God, the truth about the relationship between us.
On a human level, these people do not inspire me at all.
If I did not already know what I do, about the Faith, I would not as
much consider joining them in their church.
They repulse people from the Chuch. They are hurting and offending
Jesus Himself.
But I believe they are unaware of it.
«When they came to the place called The Skull, they crucified Him there,
along with the criminals, one on His right and the other on His left.
Then Jesus said; «Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they
are doing. And they divided up His garments by casting lots».
(Luke 23, 33-34 )
Abuse
It used to be hard to imagine that the crime of rape of children could be
made even worse by having another crime added on to it.
This week yet another court case is taking place regarding the cover-up
of clerical sex abuse.
In the Catholic Church, we know that often other priests had knowledge of
abuse taking place, and the bishop too, and yet nobody did anything to stop
and prevent it, but instead denied it.
This fact is actually what has driven hundreds of thousands, maybe even
millions, away from the Church, never to return.
The same pattern of denial and silence that accompanies every new case, is
a completely counterproductive exercise.
Some people believe that men that are already paedophiles decide to join
the ranks of the clergy because of the easy access to young defenseless
children.
Some people think that it is the celibacy rule that makes the priests
paedophiles.
The studies to become a catholic priest takes approximately 8 years.
The reason why a catholic priest used to be revered in the past, is
because he was someone who had given himself entirely to serving
his flock, to saving souls, bringing people to the reality of God.
In being ordained, he gives himself up; body and soul, willing to die
on the cross, if necessary.
That is actually what it means to be ordained a catholic priest.
To give everything, including their sexuality.
But when the Catholic Church, instead of implementing the teaching that
she teaches in the Gospel of Truth, Love and Justice, closes in on herself,
and closes ranks against victims of abuse who seeks justice, the world
watches in stunned unbelief and outrage.
Denial, lies, blaming the victims, thus abusing them more.
The Catholic Church is the guardian of the teaching of the Truth about
God, and about humans.
But instead of acting as the treasurer of the highest possible Treasure,
she acts in this way.
The Church needs to convert, just as we all need to convert individually,
every day.
Being defensive in the face of accusations, is not the way forward.
It has to stop.
The reality is that if the victims of clerical abuse had been listened to
in the initial stages, if they had been treated with the respect and dignity
that they deserved, especially as members of the same church,
the level of outrage and horror towards the Catholic Church would never
have reached such levels.
It is the denial, the cover up, the silence, that causes most of the damage.
This attitude of trying to "save oneself", has nothing to do with the Gospel,
which teaches the exact opposite.
"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life
for me will find it."
(Matthew 16:25)
"Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing".
And they divided up his clothes by casting lots."
(Luke 23:34)
In the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I have asked for forgiveness for my own
sin of not forgiving.
(Our Father: "as we forgive those who trespass against us")
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that
you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on
the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the
tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are
you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect,
therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
(Matthew 5:43-48)
Thus, in forgiving them, I am healed, the balance in me is restored, and I
am again able to interact with the people that hurt me.
The commandments and the entire teaching of the Church, I take it all in
the literal sense.
It is meant to center us internally, to keep us in a specific frame of mind
and attitude. They are spiritual exercises.
Prayer group
All the Rosary teams, of which I am member of one, of the City are meeting
up together, it is nice to meet up like this, and after the prayers, we eat
La Galette des rois, which is traditionally eaten on the occasion of
the Epiphany; the Christian festival that celebrates the visit of the three wise
men to the baby Jesus, celebrated on January 6th of each year.
We are having a good laugh.
Les gilets jaunes
« Les Gilets Jaunes»; «The Yellow vests», this movement that started 9
weeks ago, are still going strong.
I call it «a biological product», because it is not organised by any trade
union or by any organisation or group. It is the french people, the grassroot,
all ages, all professions, working people, students, retired, unified together,
weekend after weekend, in Paris and all over the country, protesting against
the governement's policy of suffocating their lifes with the never-ending taxes
imposed on them.
And of course, it is about a lot more than that, it is the low quality of life that
people suffer in many different ways.
How there is no democracy. The law on gay marriage, for instance; the
french people did not want that at all, they were out on the streets
demonstrating against it in the millions, then it was brought in to law,
so it was to no avail.
This issue comes back now, with «les gilets jaunes». Good.
What they want is a citizens' initiative referendum. I am delighted to be here
while this is happening. This is something that has been brought about naturally,
caused by suffering.
Suffering can be very useful we could say, because it can bring about
fundemental change.
Suffering should never be wasted. This is what is going on now.
I see today on the news, a young student priest who participates in the
demonstrations in Paris, carrying a statue of Our Lady with a big
Rosary bead, who is not afraid of speaking out against the authorities.
He also, confirms that the yellow vests are justified, and should be
supported. Thank God, maybe that reveales a change within the Church,
who up to now has not been supportive of the movement.
They were not supportive of the people in the past either, in any uprising
or revolution in the past,
they have always been collaborating with the state.
«House sale»
A Town in Ireland:
Back in Ireland. It was strange to come back, and nice, it felt lovely, and a
real novelty, to walk the streets, and be surrounded by Irish people again,
despite the weather, which is absolutely horrendous.
I knew it would be difficult though, with many problems to solve.
My ex-husband who send me another solicitor's letters saying that now the
family home is going to be sold.
Ever since he moved out, he has been sending me letters at regular intervals
through his solicitor, telling me that the house is going to be sold. He tried
hard to persuade his sons not to go to college, but instead to stay and work
with him in Sweden, so that he could sell the house. He knew that with his
children being in full time education, it would be hard to convince a judge
to sell the house. But now that our youngest has reached the age of 23,
and despite that he has another year and a half before he is will be finished
his Master program, his dad goes ahead with putting the house on the
market. He has never cared about their education. Our son contacts his
dad to plead with him to wait for another few months at least. His dad
says no, and gets angry with him.
Where are we going to live?
The difficulties and real problems, complicated and serious ones, some of
which I do not find obvious solutions to, help me to implement the core
message of my faith, which is to surrender to God, God who is LIVING,
to trust Him. I am anxious, yes, but when it gets bad, I pray the sorrowful
mysteries of the Rosary, and it restores me, I become calm again.
But life is very fragile, I hear about a sixteen year old girl in the town who,
in crossing the street, her friend saw her from a distance, she shouted out
her name, the girl got a fright and became confused, she ran in the opposite
direction, was hit by a car, and was killed instantly.
The railing at the side of the street is full of bouquets of flowers.
I think of all the people involved there; her family, her friend, the young
man that drove the car.......
I pray for them.
A Town in Ireland:
So, I needed to get a bit of money. I love children, so I look for a job
as a childminder.
I sign up on 2 childminding/babysitting websites, I go for an interview
with a woman, I thought I had the job, but she never even gets back to
me to tell me that I did not get the job. It is not very encouraging, but I
do not give up.
Then, a woman contacts me, she has seen my ad. I tell her straight away
that I do not have a car.
It is important that she knows, because the job basically consists of
collecting the children from school and bringing them to after school
activities, in the city.
She hesitates, and asks; «so that is not going to work then?»
It does not sound at all like a rejection of me, it sounds rather as if she
thinks that it is me that considers it impossible because of my lack of car.
But I myself have no problem walking or taking the bus.
I say to her: «there is a very good bus service, though.....»
She then asks me if I want to give it a go, and I say yes.
After 1 week: so far so good, both herself and her husband gives me the
impression that they want to keep me.
It is funny though; I do not even have a drivers licence, nor a car,
so I do not fullfill the basic criteria for the job, but in spite of that
they want me! God is good!
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