To My friend Marie Downey


Your requiem Mass is just over, Marie.

It was beautiful, Marie; beautiful homily by a beautiful priest, 

and a dignified reading of the Prayers of the Faithful, 

by one of the two nieces that you loved so much.

Thank you Marie. For your friendship, love, support; 

all of which came straight from your heart, you succeeded

in doing something that is very rare; you showed me God, 

you transmitted His love, His true love you poured into

my heart. By your true and living faith in Jesus, His Only Son

you supported and strengthened my faith in Him also, 

so that I could dare to let go of myself and trust only in Him. 

When you needed to be left alone by everybody, 

I think I did, at some level, understand.

The wound of rejection at the start of a child's life, is deep.

One of the first things you told me about yourself was the hurt

of rejection you felt as you learned from your mother that you 

had been adopted. What you were left with was the conviction

that your biological mother did not want you since she gave you away.

Despite the good family you were adopted into, a family which you 

loved and respected, you still struggled with  feelings of not being 

worthy of love,

(the child in you reasoned like how else could your 

biological mother have just given you away?)

all your life.


And then when your husband Paul died so tragically, after only a 

few short years of marriage, you felt again that you must not be

someone worth loving, since the closest people in your life; 

your biological mother and father, and then your spouse, just left you. 

I remember you told me that you became angry with God, 

it was Finbar, Finbar, who was so perceptive, who asked you once, 

in Medugorje, if you were angry with God, and you said yes.

The wounds of rejection; and in particular the one derived from the 

primary relation; the one to our biological mother,

I understand it, because I also suffered from it. It is imprinted on a child's soul.

It is so strong that it motivates a person's actions, decisions and behavior, 

even as adults and often for the rest of their life.

It becomes the filter through which we interpret subsequent events, they are 

seen through this perception of being rejected; again and again.

It is strong. And it is false, a lie.

You were loved, Marie! 

People loved you for who you were, so lively and cheeky, so much fun, and more 

importantly, so loving and caring. 

You touched people's heart and lives in a way that few people do. 

You touched the heart of the priest who celebrated your requiem Mass while ago,

and he only met you once!

The people that loved you most wanted to protect you from more grief 

and pain when they told you to be careful. 

There was no rejection, there was love.

But you interpreted that as being rejected once again; you told me 

that nobody wanted you to be happy, not Finbar, not your parents, nobody, 

but the truth is that everybody wanted you to be happy!

But this psychological trigger was too strong.

In listening to the homily of the priest this morning, to whom you made your 

last confession and to whom you poured out your heart of your inner conflict,

you must have finally realized this.

Perceived or real rejection by others can often lead to self rejection.

That is the real content and meaning of suicide.

But nobody is judging you Marie, nobody. 

God only, and He knows the love you spread here on earth.

So many people in the Catholic Church, which is the only Church that has the full 

truth about God and on how to be reunited with Him, are unable to bring others 

into the Church because of their lack of genuine and pure love in their relationships 

with others, even though their words are correct, they are often conveyed in a 

cold and dry way. Many even drive people out this way.


"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, 

and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing"

 (1 Corinthians 13:2)


God Is Love

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been 

born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, 

because God is love."

 (1 John 4:7-8)

 And there Marie, you were a success.

Paradoxically, you yourself had arrived at this deep connection with God through the pain and 

grief suffered by the loss of your husband Paul. Our crosses brings us to True Life.

Thank you for your friendship, Marie. 

May you Rest In The Peace of God. 


The Mystery of Christmas




 The Mystery of Christmas, 

when The Word became flesh, 

when God allowed Himself, 

lowered Himself, 

to be born amongst us as little human  being, 

A Baby!


When I was young I thought the whole Christianity thing was largely uninteresting and for old, simple, uneducated, boring and narrow minded people, a thing of the past, also because of all the horrible 

atrocities and stupid actions, carried out in it's name. 

I said: well if that is what Christianity is all about, I am not interested.

But that is not what it is about, we should not look at other people and 

imitate them, or believe that what they are saying or doing is necessarily 

right or good, 

we should only trust in God, through his only son Jesus

true God and true Man.

When we get to know Jesus, a personal relationship with God Himself is created. And although God is neither male nor female, He is at the same time both.

In the Catholic faith we have God as Father; The Principle,

Jesus as Saviour; Brother and Friend, 

The Holy Spirit to illuminate and strengthen us, 

and Mary, the Mother Of God, who, like all good mothers, is always 

present to us; her children, to protect, guide and intercede for us.


The entire setting, and all the aspects of the Christmas story are

interesting and fascinating; 

Here we have a young girl; Mary, around 14-16 years old, 

unmarried and pregnant, 

and Joseph, a much older man, a good man, who agreed to marry her, 

even though the child she was carrying was not his.

In carrying out their civic duty in regard to the census that took place, 

they had to go to the birth place of Joseph; Bethlehem, and 

when Mary started to go into labour, nobody was prepared 

to help them, they had to find shelter outside the town, in a stable, 

in the most humble and poor conditions.

Because Godliness has nothing got to do with worldly status, power or wealth.

The divinity of the God-child was recognized by everybody, 

also by King Herod, who set in motion the order of the massacre of all babies under the age of 2, in order to get rid of Him straight away, 

"to nip God in the bud". 

So Joseph took the God-child Jesus and Mary with him, as they fled to Egypt.

The drama of this happening is fascinating, and today there is 

historical and archeological evidence to support the facts of the

events, it is not a fable, a "story".

To trust that God is among us, that He is small and fragile and at the same time 

unlimited in power and love, is the essence of Christmas. 

In order to trust in Him, all we have to do is relax here and now, 

let go of our own ideas, concepts and interpretations 

(fabrications of our own minds)

always thinking and planning ahead. All we have is this moment.


God is present, here and now. 


The beyond is within our reach


Many people can not understand why people are still holding on to 

their faith after all the revealed scandals and corruption within the church.

It is because they cannot differentiate between the sinful actions of men; 

human beings who makes up the church, and the teaching of the Catholic 

Church; which is the truth about God. 

Because sadly there is no area or domain of earthly life that is not corrupt, 

for the simple reason that Man is fallen; corrupt.

That is why we need God. 

We do not need to look outside of ourselves; a good examination of  ourselves 

suffices to recognize that this is true.

We can't expect others to be perfect and without blemish when we ourselves 

are not.

There is only One Person who is perfect, and that is Jesus. 

He is The Truth and The Way that leads to Life.

The Life that is the objective reality beyond the falseness and delusions

of our minds, the same Source of Life that created us, what we refer to as God.

This source has never left us, it is not separate from us, it is within us.

We need to do the personal and spiritual work (usually the same thing!) to get 

back to it, to find God again.

The intricate and often cunning operations of our minds; our perceptions and 

interpretations of events are subjective and individual, and

 that is why we must not put our trust in Men, because the minds of Men are unreliable, as they are the content of our conditioning, and functions much like computers. 

After everything in this life has been taken away, there is not nothing left, 

because matter, energy, remains.

Look at the way everything has been made to function perfectly in nature, 

it proves the supreme intelligence of the creative force. 

I am bowled over by how insects live, for example. How intelligent they are.

The teaching of the Bible and the Church is a spiritual teaching that addresses 

itself to our hearts, our soul. But it is not a sentimental teaching that speaks to

our feelings or feel-good concepts.

It demands to be implemented without really understanding it, or often without 

any understanding at all, but by practicing  it, the understanding comes afterwards.

That is unacceptable to many people, and they reject it for that reason. 

To trust something that one cannot see seems ludicrous.

But personally I think it is this world that is ludicrous and crazy.


The Apostles


When I think of the characteristics of some of the apostles of Jesus; 

Peter, who denied even knowing Jesus, 

Thomas who did not believe in Jesus Resurrected until he could see Him, 

and the one everybody knows so well; Judas, who betrayed Jesus for 

a few pieces of silver, I think how humanity has not changed at all

in the appr. 2020 years that has passed since. 


They are like us, like sub-personalities that we all carry inside us. 

Your first reaction might be: "what? how dare she say that? 

I am not like that", but I would respond: "have you been really



I do not condemn Peter for denying knowing Jesus as he watched in 

horror what was happening to Jesus, what was playing out in front of 

his eyes, it must have been terrifying. The survival instinct kicks in.

Peter, who had been with Jesus during his time of ministry, had recognized 

him as God, but the human side of him had not understood Jesus, 

which he revealed in Matthew 16, where Jesus predicts his death:

"21From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

22Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

23Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

24Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25For whoever wants to save their life f will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 27For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

28“Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."


Suffering is the main thing that humanity cannot understand.

We cannot understand it, because to us it does not make sense.

We revolt against it.

At the first crossroad when things do not go the way we want to or had 

planned, we often blame God, by denying his existence, and continue in 

our efforts of making things better, in order to eliminate suffering, which 

we find intolerable, and which we do not accept. 

It is hard to understand, it takes time, but it is within everybody's grasp, 

and it is at the heart of the roman catholic faith. 

Our crosses, whatever they may be, serves as our tools of redemption

when we unite them with Jesus, and they liberate us, we become free 

from ourselves.

This is why divorce is not allowed for married couples, no matter what happens, 

why there is no abortion for women finding themselves pregnant when they do 

not want to be, why assisted reproduction methods is not permitted by the church 

for infertile couples. 

It is because by finding worldly ways of resolving these problems, we miss 

out on the power of the Cross that Jesus gave us by his example. 

If we want to unite ourselves with God, 

we have to do the same. Not my will, but your will, Father.

This is why we have to live in the world, but in a way that is not of the world.

This is why we should never have the interest of our comfort first in mind, 

why we should not worry about material things and money. 

We should focus on God, living in a constant state of surrender to Him, 

no matter what happens, good or "bad". 

I say "bad" in inverted commas, because if we truly 

do this,  the "bad" things transforms themselves, our world change. 

We have to be aware of our defense mechanisms in operation, 

faced with a "negative"experience, because it is exactly there and in  

that moment we have to do things differently, we have to change; convert.


The aspect of priestly celibacy brings with it a very high level of difficulty, 

and that is why it is so spiritually powerful, a true and complete surrender 

of the body; biology, psychology, feelings, everything; a complete gift and 

offering of oneself. 

People that still go on about " the priests right to marry", do not 

understand the authentic catholic faith.

I know, as do many others, that all the things that truly make me progress in 

my life, are all difficult ones, sometimes really painful and even frightening. 

Gold is tested by fire. Life is not supposed to be easy. 

Humans have two dimensions, an earthly one and a divine one. 

The divine, or God, can only be attained by Jesus, the only Son of God. 

This work of our reunification with Him has to be carried out while we are 

still in this earthly dimension, that is why the Sacraments are indispensable, 

and the only way that our spiritual death: the separation of our body and 

soul can be reunited and we can be born into Eternal Life. 

It happens here and now, nobody can afford to put it off to a later time, 

because nobody knows their time nor their hour.

We are all created by the same substance; the same "dough", if you like, dough that becomes bread.

The enormous gap between us and God in regard to justice, 

has been bridged by Jesus, and it is true that it beggars belief, 

so I understand Thomas too, but it is nevertheless true.

Anyone that believes in Him, is saved.

The important role of our 5 senses


One thing that many protestants accuse Catholics of, is that we
"pray to statues", because most practicing  Catholics pray standing 
in front of statues; be it statues of Jesus, Mary, Joseph or any of the 
So why do we do that? 

Our 5 senses: seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching — 
help us to orient ourselves in the physical world.
We use our eyes to see, our ears to hear, the nose to smell, 
the tongue to taste, and the skin to feel. They are the primary means 
we use to gain new knowledge.
Practicing Catholics use the ears to hear the Word of God. 

We know that what we see and take in with our eyes, goes into 
us and affects us, and that is why it is helpful to place oneself in front 
of our perfect Mother: Mother of God and Mother of men; Mary. 

The statues of her shows that she is humble, obedient and  
submitted to God, she is our role model.
So often, during the course of a day, we find ourselves standing in front 
of people full of pride and far from God, and as we, from the mere fact 
of living in their presence, we run the risk of becoming 
infected by this deadliest of all sin : pride.

Since we are all so much the opposite of Mary; we are arrogant, disobedient, 
dishonest and always wanting our own way, we need to be reminded 
OFTEN of Mary. 
What better way than to stand in front of a statue of her while praying to 
her or consecrating ourselves to her. 
And numerous are the people dedicated to Mary who has experienced, 
through the sense of smell, a strong scent of roses while praying to her.
In her, Catholics have, in addition to God the Father, God the Son; Jesus, 
(our brother and friend) and God the Holy Spirit: a Mother.

Nobody can deny the fundamental importance of a mother in a child's life, 
in his or her formation and education, the role of the mother is primary. 
As we, every new day, set out in our new life in Christ,
we leave behind us our old selves and we now live with Christ; 
Son of God and Son of Man, true God and true Man, we truly do need 
Mary, the Mother of God and Our Mother. 
Can a newborn baby or a small child manage on his own? No, he cant!
In praying to the saints, whose teaching and individual lives teach us key 
elements of the truth about God, they intercede for us in concrete ways.
Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, for example, always emphasized the importance 
of trusting in God, of surrender, letting go of ourselves. 

She was not a perfect human being, and that is why she is so relevant and 
helpful, we can identify with her. We can say: what she did, I can do too.
She is also associated with the smell of flowers, and indeed with flowers 
in the physical form, praying novenas to her promises us receiving flowers, 
and again; there are an incredible amount of people who can testify to having 
received flowers, and the granting of their supplication prayers, after having 
prayed to her.

Saint Joseph; whose life was also surrendered to do the will of God; has for
me, up until a few years ago, always been very much in the background, I 
never thought much about him. 
That was a mistake that I have since rectified,because he intercedes for us 
in the most incredible and completely concrete ways, when we invoke him! 
Think about it; he agreed to take Mary, who was  pregnant with a child that 
was not his, as his wife. The scandal and the contempt for that situation, 
by the Jewish society at the time, we can only imagine, because it is not so 
long since it was like that in our western world countries; only a few years ago.

Saint Padre Pio, Saint Anthony, Saint Rita, all the saints we know, teaches us 
things specific to them, about God, and they do intercede for us.
Through the dedicated and conscious use of our bodily senses
we acquire and develop higher senses, on higher levels.