God is Spirit


I just came across a video where the humorist Ricky Gervais 

talked about his non-belief in God. 

It seems to be a subject that interests him a lot....

He said that if/when scientists can put forward concrete proof 

of God's existence, then he would believe. 

But both scientists and himself would first need to know 

where to search; what their subject matter is.

With a mindset that is always looking outside itself, this can 

never be achieved, because Jesus said Himself:


"When asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would 

come, Jesus replied, “The kingdom of God will not come with 

observable signs."

 Luke 17:20

"Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the 

kingdom of God is within you."

 Luke 17:21

"They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when 

suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them. “Men of Galilee,” 

 they said, “why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, 

who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same 

way you have seen him go into heaven"

Acts 1, (10-11)


It is necessary to get to know oneself, and to examine one's conscience,

and to learn about Jesus Christ; true God and true man; the 2.nd Person 

of the Holy Trinity, the Holy Trinity; composed of 3 Persons equal 

in power, and all 3 true God.   


“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe 

also in me.   

My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I 

have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?  

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take 

you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the 

way to the place where I am going.”

Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, 

so how can we know the way?”

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one 

comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you 

will know my Father as well. 

From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for 

us.”  Jesus answered:  

“Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among 

you such a long time? 

Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. 

How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?  

Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in 


The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, 

it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work.  Believe me when 

I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe 

on the evidence of the works themselves. Very truly I tell you, whoever 

believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even 

greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will 

do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in 

the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

 (John 14: 1-14)

The Coming of The Holy Spirit; the 3.Person of the Holy Trinity

"When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place.   

Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven 

and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what 

seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each 

of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak 

in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.

Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation 

under heaven. When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in

bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken.  

Utterly amazed, they asked: “Aren’t all these who are speaking Galileans?  

Then how is it that each of us hears them in our native language?  Parthians, 

Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, 

Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near 

Cyrene; visitors from Rome (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and

 Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!”   

Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, “What does this mean?”

Some, however, made fun of them and said, “They have had too much wine.”

Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd:

“Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; 

listen carefully to what I say. These people are not drunk, as you suppose. It’s 

only nine in the morning! No, this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel:

 “‘In the last days, God says,
    I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
    your young men will see visions,
    your old men will dream dreams. 

 Even on my servants, both men and women,
    I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
    and they will prophesy. 

I will show wonders in the heavens above
    and signs on the earth below,
    blood and fire and billows of smoke. 

The sun will be turned to darkness
    and the moon to blood
    before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord. 

And everyone who calls
    on the name of the Lord will be saved.’

“Fellow Israelites, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a man 

accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which 

God did among you through him, as you yourselves know. This man 

was handed over to you by God’s deliberate plan and foreknowledge; 

and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him

to the cross. But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the 

agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on 

him.  David said about him:


“‘I saw the Lord always before me.
    Because he is at my right hand,
    I will not be shaken. 

 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
    my body also will rest in hope, 

 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
    you will not let your holy one see decay. 

You have made known to me the paths of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence.’

 “Fellow Israelites, I can tell you confidently that the patriarch David 

died and was buried, and his tomb is here to this day.  But he was a 

prophet and knew that God had promised him on oath that he would 

place one of his descendants on his throne. Seeing what was to come, 

he spoke of the resurrection of the Messiah, that he was not abandoned

to the realm of the dead, nor did his body see decay. God has raised this 

Jesus to life, and we are all witnesses of it.  Exalted to the right hand of 

God, he has received from the Father the promised Holy Spirit and has 

poured out what you now see and hear.  For David did not ascend to heaven,

and yet he said,

“‘The Lord said to my Lord:
    “Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies
    a footstool for your feet.”’

 “Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, 

whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.”

 When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to 

Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

Peter replied, 

“Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name 

of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. 

And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.   

The promise is for you and your children and for 

all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”

With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, 

“Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.”  Those who accepted 

his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to 

their number that day.

(Acts 2, 1-41)

"Sin" is a word that non-believers do not understand; it is a word

largly misunderstood, but if we make a short resumé and say that sins

are the acts and attitudes that impedes and obstructs God Himself 

from living through us, it might be easier to understand

the importance of not sinning.  


Pride is the strongest obstacle; 

self satisfaction of our cleverness and success, and believing we 

are better than any one else.

Gluttony is a lack of moderation and self control, which creates 

an imbalance in body and mind.

Greed, envy and the other major sins of lust, laziness and anger,   

all have the same consequences;

we are distracted, we loose concentration, we loose focus and 

awareness and thus contact, with God's Presence. 




When we sin we revolt against God. If we don't even think we 

are sinners, but that we are "good people," we are delusional. 

Only God is good.


"Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence

 in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two 

men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the 

other was a despised tax collector.  The Pharisee stood by 

himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am 

not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. 

I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a 


week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’


“But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even 

lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest 

in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’   

I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee,

returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves 

will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted"

 Luke 18:9-14


"And Jesus said unto him, “Why callest thou Me good? There is 

none good but One, that is, God."

 Mark 10:18


The most serious and widespread of the 7 deadly sins is pride. 

When we put ourselves above another person, even in thought, 

we are guilty of this sin. 

It is a revolt against God, it makes ourselves into god; our 

superb-ness, our cleverness, our success, our children's success, 

our good christian lives, our holiness, even spiritual 

achievements, our whatever it might be.


Protestants and others think that "Catholic guilt" is a thing akin to 

a psychological condition, ( mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima 

culpa), but what it is in reality is a higher self awareness of who 

we are vis à vis God; I am the guilty one, I am the one who is 

offending and revolting, again and again, by my thoughts, my 

words, my actions and my omissions. And by doing this I obscure 

God who needs my cooperation in order to shine His light in me. 


Our Ego; this package of ideas and beliefs about ourselves, 

is most often than not, held together by pride. 

It is a trap of delusions.


The "I" needs to diminish, and preferably disappear, in order 

to give space to the One who wants to unfold Himself in us. 


"He must increase, but I must decrease."

John 3:30


 "Even though I came first, I am not good enough to untie his sandals.

 John 1: 27


"The same is He that shall come after me, who is preferred before me: 

the latchet of whose shoe I am not worthy to loose."

John 1: 27

The only antidote to pride is to practice humility, but as this is in 
direct opposition to all worldly education, it is difficult for most 
But being humiliated by others can be a great gift and an aid to us, 
if we accept it. 

The Magnificat

The Prayer Of Mary

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, 
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant. 
From this day all generations will call me blessed: 
the Almighty has done great things for me, 
and holy is his Name.

He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation. 
He has shown the strength of his arm, 
he has scattered the proud in their conceit.

He has cast down the mighty from their thrones, 
and has lifted up the lowly. 
He has filled the hungry with good things, 
and the rich he has sent away empty.

He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he remembered his promise of mercy, 
the promise he made to our fathers, 
to Abraham and his children forever.

(Lk 1: 46-55)




In the work with the children that I look after, there are many 

challenges, there are some fun moments and some difficult ones.

I know that as a disciple of Jesus, the onus is on me to tell people 

about the reality of God's presence on Earth.

It requires complete respect for people that do not want to hear 

anything about the teachings of Jesus, and also great sensitivity 

in general. The choice of words is of utmost importance, and there 

must be a total absence of catch phrases and slogans which demeans 

the religion, and awareness of who we are talking to.

Today with the youngest child of the family, she took out one of the 

Rosary beads I had brought to them, (after getting permission of the 

mother, of course).

I introduced her to the prayer of the Rosary, she listened to me, and 

there was a moment of excited recognition on her face when I came 

to Jesus in praying: «blessed art thou amongst women and blessed 

is the fruit of thy womb; Jesus»

Because a few days ago, she looked through a children's book on the 

First Christmas, and the cute little baby whose name was Jesus.

Then there in the playroom, she came across this same character, she 

recognized his name, and her face lit up at the mention of his name!

How great is that!

A town in Ireland

It is the feast day of St.Clare, and I am in the chapel of the convent 

of The Poor Clare's, people are praying the Rosary with the nuns, 

(who we can only hear) in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and 

after Benediction, the people present are invited to come in for a 

cup of tea.

The Sisters are there, but behind the grill, and queues are formed 

in front of each one, as people come up to talk to them individually.

As they are a closed order this happens only once a year; on this 

day; the feast day of the founder of their order St. Clare.

They all look extremely happy, they are radiating with joy. I talk to 

two of them, I am delighted!

A City in Ireland

As I arrive in the queue for confession in the Church, the elderly 

lady waiting in front of me turns her head to me and says: «Sure, 

I have no sins, sure, we had nothing».

I am tempted to ask her what she is doing there so, but instead I say 

to her that surely there must be something?

But I think I understand what she means, probably something along 

the lines of;

«we were poor, and the struggle for survival took up all our time, and 

so we did not have the time nor the energy to get up to mischief». I 

am sure that is true.

But with increasing awareness of who we are, (or who we can be), 

comes increasing awareness of the operations within ourselves, and 

the ability to see the things in us that prevents God from acting 

through us.

There is not a single person on earth that does not have sins.

It is not enough to go to Mass or Confession because «this is 

the way I was brought up, my parents made me go to Church».


During tonight's prayer meeting the person leading the prayers 

says that it is up to each and every catholic to learn more and 

inform himself about the Faith, it is not anybody else's 


It's true.

Something came to me:

This chapel is very dear to my heart, because of all the healing 

and support I have received here,

and this is really where my personal journey back to God began.


An example of how prayer are heard by God;

When someone I know became sick (an illness of the mind), 

appr. 8-9 years ago,

I sat in this very chapel and prayed that he would be well, I 

prayed that he would come to know the Healer Himself, Jesus; 

the only One that can truly heal.

I prayed that he would come to this very chapel!

He was not a christian, had not been baptized, and had 

not received any christian or catholic education.

Some years after his hospitalization he met a christian woman 

of the orthodox faith, and they married.

When I met her she told me that her church community meet once 

a month, but I did not ask where the meetings takes place.

She told me that her husband came with her, and that he found it 


A few weeks later, as we sat waiting for the prayer 

meeting to begin, my eyes fell on the boxes of stuff packed away 

at the side and the corner of this beautiful chapel.

I asked the man next to me if he knew what it was, and he was able 

to inform me that it was things used by the Orthodox Church-goers, 

as they celebrate Mass and have their prayer meetings here too, in this 

very chapel.

With a smile I remembered my previous prayer for the sick man.


Yesterday was my last day with the family.

I am a bit sad, because I love them all, and I will miss them, but I 

know it is time for me to go.

But while providing a service for them, it also provided for me a 

setting for further personal development and strengthening my 

ability to handle difficult situations.

In the prayer of Our Father: «and let us not enter into temptation» 

is a reminder, that if we keep doing the same things, we will always 

obtain the same results.

Therefore I have to be awake in all the ordinary situations

of everyday life, in order to avoid «following my feelings»

The awareness is important in order to see our defense mechanisms.

My principal one is a "distancing" one: I go away emotionally.

But it is not possible when the only thing required is that I am  

entirely present, so I went beyond myself.

« France; the eldest daughter of the Church»

Prayer group, France

I am back with the Rosary Team, in the presbytery of the city's Basilica.

There is a weird, tense and hostile atmosphere as another woman who is 

not part of our group shows up, I have the feeling that we are being 


She is very critical, with constant remarks against the leader.

I do not know what is happening, but it is an uncomfortable meeting.

I have however never seen anything wrong here, we always come 

together and pray correctly, according to the program. The young 

woman in charge of our team has always been perfect in every way, 

she is gentle, loving, caring, friendly, and obviously very spiritual.

After the meeting is over, I stay with her to find out what is going on.

She tells me that she has been suffering under this atmosphere for 

months, there are lies and rumors, people are acting as the worst 

hypocrites ever, her health has suffered, and she tells me she wants 

to resign as leader.

I stay with her, and I tell her that I do not want her to resign, and that 

she needs to talk to the priest in charge of the teams.

Then I tell her what I experienced last year in regard to Father Nicolas. 

There are many similarities. I know how it affected me psychologically 

and mentally, so I can actually understand what it is like.

Two days after I meet her again, and she tells me that she has been to 

see the priest, and told him about it.

After another two days, she tells me that the woman who is behind the 

slander, was screaming and roaring at her, in the church! The priest had 

spoken to her about the complaint, and she did not like it...

Again, the cause and the source of all this badness, was pure jealousy, 

because our leader had done very well with her team. She had put in a 

lot of effort, because her motivation was pure: she loves The Church 

and she loves Our Lady. She is also very beautiful.

Village in France

Waking up this morning, I think about the dream that I just had:

I was in my house in Ireland. I had been caught in an awkward 

situation as I had received 2 invitations which clashed, 2 different 

people had invited me to their house at the same time. 

Then there was a big bus in front of my house which was picking 

up all the people who was attending.

For some reason that I cannot remember, the person between the 2, 

which I did not want to visit, was the person in whose house I ended 

up in.

(This was the only person clearly identifiable in the dream: it was the 

main "hangman" and "executioneer"; the person that slandered me last year)

She had sent out invitations to many people, but at 20 minutes intervals.

The next people that arrived, (after 20 min), was a couple, not too young 

in age.

The next thing that happened was that a little girl, around 6 or 7, 


It was summertime, the girl was wearing a white summer dress,

she was carrying 2 little trays with strawberries.

She was charged with the task of selling them to neighbours and 

local people, to raise money for a cause; this had to do with her school.

With this in mind, she knocked on a door, but the other female guest 

who was also present reproached her harshly and she seemed to grab 

her by the shoulder and said: «You do not do that here, in this 

neighbourhood, you have to go and do that in you own place!» 

She was angry.

The next scene I saw, was the little girl in the distance; I had to 

concentrate first to see that it was her, as she was a bit blurred first. 

Looking closer, I saw that it was her. She was on a slightly winding 

road that was turning upwards, surrounded by green fields.

The strawberries had toppled over on the ground, and the little girl 

was bending over trying to pick them up. She was anxious.

I woke up, and I realized that that little girl was me.

I remembered that I actually had had a dress that resembled the one 

in the dream, but mine had been lightly yellow in colour.

White however signifies innocence.

Châteauneuf-de-Galaure, France:

During Christmas we had a wonderful week a Châteauneuf-de-Galaure, 

where we did a retreat, which is basically a program of morning prayers,

three daily conferences, daily Mass, singing of hymns, confession, praying 

of The Rosary, Sacrament of the Sick, Consecration to Our

Lady, private counselling and prayers with priests and other members of 

the community for those who want, Stations of the Cross, visit to Marthe 

Robin's room, 3 meals together every day, and "le goûter" (afternoon snack), 

and all that happens in silence, which means that we are not allowed to talk.

(Apart from confession, or meeting with the priests.)

On the second day of the retreat, I received a text from a friend telling 

me (I used my phone only to know the time, as mobiles also are forbidden) 

telling me that Father Nicolas has left his ministry

He left the priesthood. This is what I was trying to prevent from happening.

But no surprise, it was as clear as light that this is what was going to happen 

if he did not get help from the other parishioners, which he didn't, as they all 

chose to turn a blind eye, and attack me instead, as I had spoken up. 

When we come back to our village, we learn that his girlfriend is expecting 

a child.

It is the way that it happened that just proved the unconscious state and lack 

of awareness;

if it had been a case of the priest, after long reflexion, and heart searching, 

realised that he could no longer find in him the strenght to live the celibate 

life of a catholic priest, and then would take the steps necessary, and planning 

his future life and livelihood, it would have been a different matter.

But this is not the case. It is a huge loss for the church,

and has done a lot of damage to the faith of the children in the parsih. 

This is sad; for him, for the Church.

We also hear that he regretted his decision to leave the Church straight away, 

that he was not happy, and he did not even know if the baby was his. People 

are saying that he had been talking about suicide.

The parish priest came to talk to me, because I had spoken to the bishop about 

the horrific slander about me. Now that he knows what I have been through, 

I feel better, it is out. The others denied that anything had ever been said, but 

he knows now what has been happening.

Family of Origin

In the last few days I have been in contact with my sister in Norway.

Just to stay in touch, I sent a mail; to say hello. She gave me an general 

update on family members, and mentioned that life was difficult for our 

younges nephew. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that he 

had tried to take his own life.

His mother, my eldest sister; I have no contact with her any more, there 

was less and less over the years, and in the end my efforts; emails, fizzeled 

out, because she never responded to them.

Later on she got sick.

But when I asked this other sister if she knew the email address to our 

nephew who had tried to end his life, I realised something was up, because 

she answered me that «she did not think he had one», followed quickly by 

another mail saying that M: our sister, did not want me to tell anybody.

M  had told her to not tell anybody. (but she had already told me.......)

I reacted by saying that a reaction like that is not normal, and that her son 

is not going to be helped by keeping it a secret.

She responded by saying that it was «important for her to respect M's wish, 

and that not everybody was thinking and feeling the same, and that it was 

highly recommended of me to contact M myself and find out things for myself.»

to which I replied that it was exactly what I had been trying to do, by asking 

her if she had our nephew's contact details, because I wanted to know if I 

could help in any way.

I sent a last mail, saying that in light of her effort of respecting M's wish, she 

had already showed that she did not respect it, since she had broken her promise 

of «not telling», by telling me.

Her response; «it was completely unimportant who had said what at what time,  

if I was interested, I had to contact them myself, and not go through her».

Since I was not supposed to know, and since M is not well herself, and also as 

there has not been any contact between us for decades, it was not an option.

But this little episode reminded me, and made me relive for a little 

moment, the atmosphere of denial, lies, always twisting the most simple 

and straightforward thing, that I lived with in relation to this sister. She 

was always a Judas, she always betrayed me, she always lied and twisted 


It affected me as a child, because I already did not have a mother who 

knew how to be a mother, who did not even knew how to show a bit of 

affection, but if there had been loyalty and solidarity between us sisters, 

it would have helped me.

She lies to herself, and then to me, and then she is convinced that she is 


It is the intelligence that is affected, even the most simple and basic logic 

is absent.

Unfortunately I will have to stop making efforts of keeping contact, I have 

tried, but every time it ends like this, and now I have to let it go, because 

it goes nowhere.

The great Lockdown France

It is almost two weeks since the start of the lockdown, we are only allowed to 

go out and buy food, and other basic stuff, everything else is closed. For that 

we need to fill out an official government document each time we step outside.  

This  confinement feels very........confining.....enclosing.

Im thinking of people incarcerated in prison cells, how do they live every 

day their experience?

Then I think of Marthe Robin, who was not only confined to her house, 

but confined to her bed, not only for a limited period of her life, but for all

her adult life.

After she had received help with the revolt that she experienced to her 

situation; (because she was a normal person with normal plans and wishes 

for her life), she surrender herself completely to God.

She surrendered everything in her to the will of God, and in that way she 

became available to Him. The one who is could work through her, as there 

was no obstacles in the form of unacceptance.

She has helped me to understand that I also have present in me, in all 

difficult moments, when I see no solution, when I am enclosed, isolated, 

lonely, the capacity of my free will to accept it, to surrender it to God. 

To not revolt against it. To let go of the natural and human opposition to it. 

To not resist it. To allow it. To allow it to be. To live it. To relax with it.

We do not change the circumstances, but we change our internal configuration, 

our settings, our attitude. We become free.

So what happens when I do that? I never know beforehand, it is every 

time a step into the unknown; an Act of Faith.

I lived the entire situation of the imposed confinement in this spirit, and 

it became a fruitful experience for me.

FatherNicolas's girlfriend has had the baby. It is not clear who the father is, 

as she was going out with the postman as well, and she still lives in his house!

And apparently the former priest is living there too.

Good God, what a mess.

I wonder did she set her eyes on the priest, precisely because he was the 

forbidden fruit in the garden?

She could have had any man, but maybe she just wanted him, for the simple 

reason that he was a catholic priest.


About a week ago I sent a videolink to some people in a group that I had 

been with until I realised that they were more protestant than Catholic.

It was a homily of a Society of Saint Pius X priest who spoke about 

protestantism, and how it was contrary to catholic doctrine, he also spoke 

strongly about the bishops who seems to automatically submit themselves 

to the governement, without standing up for themselves and their flock.

In this case it was in regard to the lockdown and interdiction

of Masses, but it was clear that he was talking in a general sense as well.

After all, in France there is supposed to be a separation between church and 

state, but in reality this is not the case. The state owns the churches, and they 

govern them too, we should not have any illusions. When the french insists 

that in France there is seperation between the two, they are only repeating 

what they have heard. 

The priest was saying that the bishops were killing the spiritual life of the 

Church. I sent the video link to everybody in the group.

The next day the leader of the group sent me an email, to me only, saying 

that the priest in question was obviously on the «marge of the church», 

he was saying that in sending the video I had made a mistake, but it was 

understandable and forgiveable, and that he for one forgave me,

as I had "obviously been led astray on the internet during the long days of 

the lockdown". He underlined that his reproach was in regard to the content 

of the video, as he said it was: incitement to hate and discord, and contrary 

to the «unity of the churches».

He said that the unity of the churches was the most important of all, because  

Jesus had said it.

As I am more concerned about the unity of the Catholic Church, rather than 

working to attain «unity» between the other churches which he is talking about,

(ecumenism) I do not even know what that means, it is just waffle.

The only important thing is keeping the catholic church together, by guarding 

the catholic doctrine, since our faith is the only complete and true one.

Anyway, I was astonished at his attitude and reaction.

Who does he think he is? And who does he think I am?

He decided that I had made a mistake and he was ready to forgive me....

I answered; adressed to everybody; that I was not happy with the fact 

that their program was put in place by the bishops in catholic 


It was sneaky, and dishonest, and I wrote that I felt tricked.

I told him that unity will come when people conform to Jesus instead 

of conforming to each other; to the world, the blind leading the blind.

He then answered me, only to me, that it was useless to continue, and

told me to stop mailing everybody on the list, as it was he who was 

responsable, and he could not go after me rectifying what I had sent.

Two days after his wife sent me a long judgemental mail and her 

personal life story.

 I answered making sure to be nice and measured,

even though she had not been.

And today I sent an email to the bishop.

I asked him to explain how unity between the different churches; 

ecumenism, can take place without apostacy.

I asked him why protestant programs are taking place in catholich 


I wonder will I get an answer........

The bishop

A week and a half ago I discovered that the response from the bishop's 

secretary had gone into my junk mail. It is very rare that I check there, 

but something made me look, and there I saw

it. She asked me for a bit of information about myself before proceeding.

In France, more than any other country that I know, the status, a person's 

social standing must be established before one can proceed......However I 

only told her my age, and where I lived.

We spoke briefly on the phone, and she gave me an appointment to speak 

with the bishop the following week.

Once there, the bishop also, tried twice to establish my profession, I told 

him the truth; I do not have any.

I conveyed to him my concern for the catholic church regarding the  

non catholic  program carried out in catholic churches.

Of course, the bishop defended himself. I said that the people who runs 

the church does not know the catholic doctrine which is a serious situation. 

I told him that people thought that «ecumenism» means that catholics has 

to get rid of, or at least blur, the catholic doctrine, in order to fit in with 

the protestants, and he agreed that many people think that way.

I told him that I had been labelled as «fundamentalist», as while in Ireland 

I am just catholic.

We spoke also about the terrible situation regarding Father Nicolas, and the 

devastations he had left after him in the parish, he told me that we have to 

pray for him, that he is deeply unhappy, that he is not living with the woman, 

and he is not even sure if the baby is his.

I was not sure if he took onboard my point about the slandering.

I had, after all, tried to prevent what happened from happening, 

I though that at least an exuse would be in order. 

At the end of our meeting, we went into the little oratory, from where 

the transmissions of the Masses had taken place during the lock down 

period. There the bishop prayed and blessed me.

He told me he would pray for my sanctification, and I promised that I 

would pray for him too, which he seemed to be happy to hear.

The same night I attended the last meeting of La Maison de l'Alliance 

prayer group, before the summer holidays.

Some days later I see that I was wrong, the bishop had definitely heard 

me in regard to my complaint.

That was to be seen in the faces of the others at mass.

Hostility from some (will I ever get used to it?), amazement, bitterness,

happiness; all different reactions written on people's faces.

In France there are many muslims, is something that really worries a lot

of people.

That is not due to intolerance or rasicm, as many like to present it as, 

especially the media,

it is because they do not want their country to become a muslim one.

It is natural that they want to protect their culture and heritage, the catholic 

religion is the foundation for not just theirs, but all of Europe's civilisation.

 Islam is something completely different.

But on this topic too, it is not acceptable to the political correct people, 

to express oneself without being accused of being a hatemonger, and not 

loving one's neighbour.

The massive campaign of brainwashing, of being told what to think, 

is working.

But I do not hate anyone, and I am able to differenciate between a religion 

and human beings.

Back in Ireland, as the lockdown comes to an end, my youngest son cycles 

the strech from Mizen Head to Malin Head in a fundraising,

he raises money for the cancer unit in the hospital that saved his life when 

he was little.

I go on holiday visiting Normandy, Brittany and surrounding regions. 

One day I visit a medieval church in the town of Provins, and I read on 

the information sign that here, in 1429, Joan of Arc herself, together 

with King Charles 7, attended Mass!

I don't have many friends, but I have a real friend, a friendship based on 

our mutual belonging to Christ.

I think it is the first real female friend I have ever had in my life.

We are not there to use each other, we are there to support and help each 

other and to encourage each other to grow in the love of God.

I take note of the fact that although she is French, has always and only 

ever lived in France, her family roots are Polish, I think that despite the fact

that Poland also follows the same pattern of secularism as the rest of Europe, 

their roots to The Church seems to be stronger.

I send an email to Archbishop of Armagh and the Primate of All Ireland Eamon Martin:

«Your Excellency Archbishop Martin,

I am writing to you regarding the Church's position on moral issues, as it is becoming

increasingly blurred, unclear and vague.

Before the referendum on gay marriage, the priest in my parish did not even make a

mention of it in his homily, and today there are also Catholics who are pro-abortion.

The Parcours Alpha course in France which takes place in catholic churches, does not

mention the Sacraments of the Church, neither the Virgin Mary, and nobody makes

the sign of the Cross.

It is presented as a basic introduction to Christianity, but for the Catholic Church it is

surely the Sacraments that forms the base?

I know one team member who insists it is "great that now divorced people can remarry

and receive Holy Communion in the Catholic Church",

and that "we must and should now congregate with Muslims and pray together with them, because there is only one God".

The horror of the sex abuse scandals and it's denial and concealment does not provide an explanation, as it was widespread in all parts of the society; in the field of sport, in every

kind of groupings where there were vulnerable children, and the largest proportion of abuse happened in the family unit.

It does not follow that therefore sport is bad, or that family units are bad, and that they must disappear.

Has the Church ceased insisting on her own teaching, in an effort to seek her survival under

the hat of ecumenism, like a merger?

I ask the question because Protestantism is widespread within the Catholic Church; people

do not believe in the Real Presence of the Eucharist,

they do not believe in the Resurrection of the body etc.

Although they confess it with their lips at the start of Mass.

Very many do not believe in the celibacy for priests, because they do not understand

why that rule is there, as nobody seems to be able to explain it to them in a way that

satisfies the intelligence.

Many do not believe in the right to life of the unborn, they are not able to differentiate

between the woman's body and that of the baby, and they think that no matter what

one do, "it is ok, one must not judge".

That means that we have lost the capacity to differentiate between good and evil,

and the entire catholic doctrine unravels.

I understand that in wake of all the scandals, it is not easy to hold one's ground,

but not doing so is worse.

The fact that the Church has lost her position of dominance in former catholic countries,

is not a bad thing, as she was never about worldly power in the first place.

The evil has to be cleared out. But to allow the Church to slip unnoticed into

Protestantism is a serious betrayal of Christ Himself.

The Church's premier role and mission is to save souls, not to look for her own survival.»

In the prayers of the Catholic Church we are often reminded of the fact that we 

are going to die. The reason is not to take away our joy of life, it is to increase it, 

to make us fully present in every moment of the here and now, and to make us 

awake, balanced and vigilant.

I also think about the large context of the universe; planet Earth as a tiny little 

ball in a universe that is only one in an infinitude of universes. How people can 

fail to recognise the existence of God, is beyond me.

Even with the state of the Church as it is now, we must not lose hope, we have 

to stay, in order to be able to work for it's restauration.

It seems to me that she is taken over by the enemy, and the decimation is clear 

for all to see.

We need to realise that the threat is not only on the outside of the church.

She needs to take back what she left behind with Vatican 2.

In the same way that, on a personal level, my marriage 

(catholic marriage is insoluble), by Pope John Paul 2, was deemed null and 

void, by the Catholic Church herself, she can,

deem Vatican 2 null and void too.

It is the Church that decides, and it is we who make up her Mystical Body.

When I was little, (3-4) and was going to bed at night, if there were guests 

in our house, I used to say goodnight to each person present by giving them 

a hug, and after I had hugged them all, I would hug myself, by putting my 

arms around myself, telling myself that I loved myself.

It was THE ONE WHO IS who was present.

«Je meurs en adorant Dieu, en aimant mes amis, en ne haïssant pas mes 

ennemis, en détestant la superstition.»

(«I die worshipping God, loving my friends, not hating my ennemies, 

loathing superstion»)

VOLTAIRE (1694-1778), profession de foi manuscrite, 18février 1778. 

«Mot de la fin» écrit

(profession of faith manuscript, 18 february 1778.) («Last word» written)