Violation

Abuse is abuse, it is an attack, a violation.

The fact that there has been a massive redefinition of the word abuse;

what was normal and acceptable decades ago, was maybe even classed

as discipline, does not change, reduce or eliminate the damage inflicted

in any way.

The first step is to recognize what happened and then recognize the damage done. 

At the same time the historical or cultural context should not be completely

disregarded, since keeping it in context is important for the healing process.

Because when a victim understands that the person(s) that offended them,

in fact did not know what they were doing, the forgiveness process

can begin. Forgiving, letting go, the emotional charge can leave.

The reality as well, that we are all, at some stage in our lives,

in a smaller or a larger degree, both victims and perpetrators of abuse,

even if we are convinced that we are not.

A child who has nobody to support or help it when he/she is being aggressed

in some way, has to rely on itself. But since a young child has not got the capacities

for self help, the child's mind tells the child that the person who is carrying out the

violence, is right.

That provides a temporary solution to the situation, because the mind needs

one, in order to regain some kind of balance and to carry on with life.

The problem is that this risks becoming permanent.

The child can become completely identified with the aggressor, and if the aggressor

is one of the child's parent, it can become complicated in adult life, as it

hampers the autonomy and development of the growing child and adult.

The person shields themselves with denial, in fact internally it is frozen in fear.

The person cling to their fear as a way of protection. (!)