Medjugorje
I am on a pilgrimage to Medjugorje, and with us is a priest who at the
moment «does not have a parish».
He seems to be lacking a bit in confidence as a priest, but every time
he speaks to the group, instead of talking about God, he talks about
money!!
He is promoting a pyramid scheme that he is part of, that distributes
vitamin pills!
The man in charge of the pilgrimage, the former business man, lets him
talk about it, for the entire week. Some people even sign up for it, but it
proved to be a scam of course.
Some people were ripped off.
«No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the
other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot
serve both God and money.»
(Matthew 6:24) (NIV)
At the heart of any pilgrimage is: Conversion. Change. New life. Hope.
Love.
How can that happen in such circumstances?
How was he even allowed to carry on like that for an entire week?
But there was more disappointment ahead.
My friend who had supported me so much, and who had brought me
into the group in the first place, withdrew, not only from me, but from
the entire group.
I first became aware that there was something wrong on another
pilgrimage to Medjugorje with the group. As usual we all met up
at the airport. There my boyfriend had turned up to wish me good
luck before we flew off.
I got the feeling that this bothered my friend, and from then on she
became distanced and cold.
For the whole pilgrimage, she avoided me, while on all the previous
pilgrimages together, she had always been next to me, wanting to do
everything with me.
The following pilgrimage to Medjugorje, 4 months after, I believe she
went with the express intention of finding a man.
She found one, a local man.
When she introduced him to the leader of the group; a man that she had
been very close to for many years, and who had helped her a lot after her
husband had died, he told her to be very careful.
He explained to her that the population there was very poor, and that it
looked to him as if this man was looking for an opportunity to improve
his situation, to get out of the country.
But she would not listen to him, she was in fact furious at the fact that
he did not bless the relationship, and did not trust the man she had found.
«He does not want me to be happy», she said, «well that is it, I am finished
with him.» The problem was that she was finished with me too.
As I was not present on that pilgrimage, she sent me a strange text message
with a photo of herself and the man, along with a few words which kind of
said: «Look! See! I found a guy as well.»
She seemed angry at me.
After that she cut off contact with everyone, she changed her mobile number,
managed eventually, after a few failed attempts, to get the man into Ireland,
and then she married him, in a ceremony where there was nobody present,
not even her own family, as they did not approve of what she did either.
So what was all that about?
«Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?»
(Proverbs 27, 4)
I always missed her, I often thought about her, and hoped that I would
get the chance to talk to her again. It never happened, and one day I got
a text message from someone telling me she had committed suicide,
by drowning.
She must have seen herself what had happened to her, and her husband
clearly did not make her happy, she must have seen that the leader of the
prayer group who had tried to warn her had been right, and she mistakenly
thought that there was no way back. So wrong she was.
The leader of the group was a former business man, who had had a profound,
radically life changing spiritual experience.
Apart from the prayer group, he organized pilgrimages to Medjugorje,
he brought groups there twice a year.
Because of the special graces he had, people trusted him, and they came
to him with all sorts of problems. He also took it upon himself to
«couple people», which I found completely inappropriate.
Unfortunately, over the years, his attachment to money, and other personal
obstacles, became a problem, as more and more members left.
But people didn't distinguish between him and Jesus, which was the real
problem.
«Don’t put your confidence in powerful people;
there is no help for you there.
When they breathe their last, they return to the earth,
and all their plans die with them.
But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper,
whose hope is in the Lord their God.
He made heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them.
He keeps every promise forever.
He gives justice to the oppressed
and food to the hungry.
The Lord frees the prisoners.
The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.
The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down.
The Lord loves the godly.
The Lord protects the foreigners among us.
He cares for the orphans and widows,
but he frustrates the plans of the wicked.»
(Psalm 146,3-9) (NLT)
Because we always prayed The Rosary in this prayer group, I took
the habit of praying it every day, at home or in a church, or even
sitting on the bus.
One evening during the prayer meeting, I became aware that I myself
was jealous of someone.
I could see how that was poisonous, and the next day I went to confession.
I asked the priest to tell me what to do about it,
if he could give me an exercise or something to root that out and to prevent
it from ever happening again.
«No», he said, «there is nothing to do». He left it like that, and then gave
me the penance and absolution.
It puzzled my mind for a while afterwards.
Then I realized that the fact that I had become
aware of it's existence in me, and that I did not want it there,
that I myself saw the harm in it, that I confessed it, the most important
part of the process of eliminating this sin had already taken place, so all the
priest could do was to give me absolution and penance.
I have never suffered from it since. (Jealousy is a spiritual illness).
Jesus heals, and this is one way that shows how He does it.
A confession is an act of exorsism.
«You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you,
are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?»
(1 Corinthians 3:3 NIV)
«Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners,
and purify your hearts, you double-minded.»
(James 4:7-8 NIV)
Only Jesus can heal my soul. I cannot do it myself, nor can any other person.
It is grace, freely given.
«For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing;
it is the gift of God»
(Ephesians 2:8 (ESV))
Jesus liberates, He sets me free from myself. Because He loves me.
«I'm going to remove you from the nations, gather you from all of the territories,
and bring you all back to your own land. I'll sprinkle pure water on you all, and
you'll be cleansed from your impurity and from all of your idols." "I'm going to
give you a new heart, and I'm going to give you a new spirit within all of your
deepest parts. I'll remove that rock-hard heart of yours and replace it with one
that's sensitive to me. I'll place my spirit within you, empowering you to live
according to my regulations and to keep my just decrees. You'll live in the
land that I gave to your ancestors, you'll be my people, and I will be your
God. In addition, I'll deliver you from everything that makes you unclean.
I'll call out to the grain you plant, ordering it to produce abundant yields,
and I will never bring famine in your direction.»
(Ezekiel 36:24-29) (ISV)
«The power of the Cross»
A town in Ireland
I pray the Sorrowful mysteries of the Rosary.
I meditate on each mystery:
1.The Agony in the Garden:
He suffered mentally as He knew what was ahead of Him.
2.The Scourging at the Pillar:
Total absence of defensive mechanisms, acceptance of physical
pain
3.The Crowning with Thorns: Non retaliating, non defensive acceptance
of people's ignorance, brutality, hate, scorn, wanting to inflict pain on others.
4. The Carrying of The Cross:
Non resistance to difficulties, pain, fear, disappointments, loss.
5. The Crucifixion:
He gives Himself entirely; In indescribable, unthinkable pain,
despite the impression of having being abandoned by His Father,
He still hands Himself over in complete trust to Him; Body, Soul, Spirit.
There was no resistance or revolt in Jesus, just complete acceptance of
His Father's will.
Jesus said that if we wanted to follow Him, we too, have to take up our
crosses.
Later on this day I met someone who was very depressed.
When I asked him what was wrong, he told me that he had been in a short
relationship with a girl, who just upped and left him one day, completely
unexpected. He was totally gutted.
«Look, in the past I have been married, I have kids, and I have been in
several relationships since my divorce, it has never bothered me too much,
but this time, for some reason, I am crushed.
I cant get on with my life. I don't know what to do, I have tried everything
to get over it.»
Jesus suffering His Passion is still with me as I talk to him:
«You have tried to get over it, you mean you have tried to get rid of the pain,
by different methods and techniques,» I said, « but what if you stop looking
for a «cure», what if you do nothing?»
He looked at me for a while, then he said slowly: « yes,ok, that sounds right
to me».
Then he thanked me, got up and left.
Automatically we do the same as this man, in difficult and painful
situations. We battle, fight, argue, justify, defend, flee, look for solutions
to make things better.....
What happens if we fully accept internally what has happened, because it
has already happened, we cannot undo it, and what hurts us most afterwards,
is our lack of acceptance.
What would happen if people did not take medication, for example against
depression or anxiety, bipolar or borderline?
«Ô mon Jésus! Comme on réalise mal votre divine Passion! On la voit de trop
loin, de trop haut surtout. Seigneur, donnez-nous le sentiment profond de votre
Passion d'amour, donnez-nous de pénétrer jusqu'à votre Coeur si aimant»
« Oh my Jesus, How badly your divine Passion is understood! We see it too far
removed from ourselves, we see it mostly from a height. Lord, give us the deep
sense of your Passion of Love, to penetrate your Loving Heart»
(The Stations of the Cross Meditations of Marthe Robin, published by The
Foyers of Charity Editions 2016, page 19)
What if we really followed the example of Jesus, all the while trusting in
Him and God Our Father?
And why do we think that we are supposed to be happy all the time, why
do we think that we are not supposed to have difficulties?
It is the difficulties that brings us closer to God, provided that we accept
them, meaning that we are willing to suffer, because at the heart of them
lies Life itself.
They are necessary for us to get close to God, to really get to know Him.
We do not get there the easy way, through comfort or conformity to the world.
«You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to
hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the
gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.»
(Matthew 7,13-14)
Jesus suffered horrendously, he was tortured before he was nailed to a cross
where he had an agonizing death.
Whatever pain comes our way, it will never be as bad as what He suffered.
Suffered for us, you and me.
Because: «La vraie vie a été donnée à l'homme par la croix, par Jésus mort
d'amour sur la croix, qui a donné à toute âme morte par le péché la Vie
éternelle, la Vie d'amour en lui et par lui!»
«True life has been given to Man by means of the cross, by Jesus who died
of Love on the Cross, which gave to every soul dead by sin, Eternal Life, the
Life of Love in Him and through Him»
(The Stations of the Cross Meditations of Marthe Robin, published by The
Foyers of Charity Editions 2016, page 23)
«Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must
deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants
to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.»
(Matthew 16, 24-25)
Even in an ordinary, everyday situation, small things can trigger big reactions,
resistance and protests, but in learning to accept them, precisely because it is
difficult, meaning that we do not do anything to make them go away,
e.g; take a drink, smoke dope, take a pill, engage in addictive shopping or
addictive sport etc, if we «offer them up», as they said in times gone past,
or as we say today; are fully present with them, even when they seem
intolerable, if we do not defend against them, it means that we are willing to
suffer; we surrender.
In order to be able to do that we need to be conscient and awake.
«Tout peut sembler perdu, et tout va être transfiguré par une résurrection
glorieuse. Seigneur Jésus, venez aussi reposer en moi, venez y reposer et y
opérer des œuvres de résurrection et de vie spirituelle, des œuvres de grâce
et de vie divine!»
«Everything may seem lost, and everything will be transfigured by a glorious
resurrection. Lord Jesus, come also to rest in me, come and rest there and
perform works of resurrection and spiritual life, works of grace and divine life!»
(The Stations of the Cross Meditations of Marthe Robin, published by The Foyers
of Charity 2016, page 35,36)
Mental illness often have roots in childhood, and and as a way of surviving
in the world we construct mental defenses, we take prescribed medication
for anxiety or depression, or we seek release or refuge in alcohol, drugs, food,
gambling, sex, etc.
In Ireland excessive alcohol consumption is embedded in the culture, it was
until recently accepted as «normal», even though the consequences are serious
for the individuals themselves and for their families.
Living in a state of acceptance, in a state of surrender, not just when things are
difficult, but always, also when things are good, makes us available to God.
It means that we are really present and awake, we are living in the full reality,
and our words and actions are conscious and not automatic.
In a state that is open to everything, whatever will happen, we will accept it.
Because although we might make plans, we do not know what lies ahead.
As the famous Serenity Prayer, used by Alcoholics Anonymous sums it up:
«God grant me the serenity
to
accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I
can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at
a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as
the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as
it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all
things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be
reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever
in the next.
Amen.»
Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
My great grandmother comes to mind.
In 1902 she found herself deserted by her husband,
he just disappeared one day, and left her alone with 3 small children, the
youngest of whom was my grandfather, who was 1 year old at the time.
Back then there was no such thing as social welfare.
From everything I have heard about her, I have the impression that she
surrendered to God, and I know she became deeply religious.
When her husband came back to her 35 years later,
(he had been in Australia) she was delighted, she still loved him with all
her heart, and wanted to resume her life with him. In her there was no
anger, no bitterness, only love and forgiveness.
Unfortunately she was not allowed to take him back. Their children, who
was by then married with children of their own, would not allow him to
come back into their lives. They prevented him also from coming back
with their mother.
Were they motivated by love for their mother, or by a desire for revenge
towards their father?
By practicing surrender, we become Mindful.
And as with all other practices, the more we do it, the better we become at
it.
It starts with small things. Then we apply it to bigger things.
When I saw the results it was bringing about, I became encouraged and
enthusiastic about it,
I started to get an understanding of the teachings of the Cross.
"Suffering born in a Christian way is the condition that God, the author of
all grace and of all the gifts that lead to salvation, has established for
granting us glory."
Padre Pio, https://aleteia.org/2015/05/20/20-tips-from-padre-pio-for-those-who-are-suffering/
I stopped avoiding situations that I knew I didn't like, situations that I knew
would make me insecure and uncomfortable.
In the anxiety or shame or even fear that I would experience, I would also
take use of my reason and estimate the risk factor.
I would say to myself that the worst that could happen would be that I would
die, but since that is already a certainty, I would feel it was a reasonable risk to
take.
This practice is not just the old classic: «Feel the fear and do it anyway»,
because in this way
you do it for Him, with Him, in Him, and through Him.
When one feels that one is being crucified in some way, it is a difficult and
demanding spiritual exercise to not defend against the feelings, to allow them,
to feel them fully, not to repress them, and at the same time not to act on them.
We are told to not hold anger towards people that mistreat us, and to not take
revenge.
«You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’
But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the
right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.»
(Matthew 5:38-39)
"Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to
evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the
LORD, they will inherit the land.»
(Psalm 37:8-9)
The Priesthood
When a catholic priest is ordained, he gives himself entirely, body and soul.
Since human sexuality is such a strong biological force, and the priest, who
must not repress it, as repression has devastating consequences,
but he «offers it up», he is willing to suffer, he sacrifices himself and
everything he is, including his sexuality, to God.
I imagine that it might be a sort of crucifixion on a daily basis, but it is possible.
Despite all the scandals, most priests manage it.
I remember when the well known Irish priest Father Brian D'Arcy said in an
interview, as he was asked questions regarding celibacy, and his own personal
painful experience of falling in love with a woman, he answered:
«Yes, it was difficult, and if it wasn't difficult, there would not be much point in it.»
The Catholic Church's stance on abortion, divorce, artificial human reproduction,
euthanasia and other issues, comes from the same principle;
All types of pain, and undesired and difficult situations; an unplanned pregnancy,
infertility, unhappy marriage, etc are crosses, and in accepting them, we do not
defend against them. This is the meaning of surrender to the will of God.
It does not make us passive victims, it unifies us to Jesus.
Instead of doing everything we can to make things better by our own efforts,
by changing the situation, we find true interiour freedom by instead letting
go and accepting things as they are.
Because the pain we feel comes in essence from us not accepting the situation
( resistance),
more than it comes from the actual situation itself.
Surrender ought to be total, not partial; it has to comprise our body, our mental,
our emotions, intellect, and our entire willpower.
Unfortunately I did not personally understand this myself before, as this mindset
is opposite to the «way of the world».
«Jesus answered, “My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my
followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish
leaders. But my Kingdom is not of
this world.”
(John 18, 36)
The paradox is that, in accepting fully, in surrendering (to God, not to people),
God is given the space to come in and perform what we refer to as miracles.
Because in His spiritual economy, he always meets sacrifice with grace—
it’s the inevitable result.
Father Dolindo Ruotolo's Novena of Surrender, day 7:
«I perform miracles in proportion to your full surrender to Me, and to your
not thinking of yourselves. I sow treasure troves of graces when you are in
the deepest poverty. No person of reason, no thinker, has ever performed
miracles, not even among the saints. He does divine works whosoever
surrenders to God. So don't think about it anymore, because your mind
is acute and for you it is very hard to see evil and to trust in Me and to
not think of yourself. Learn to say:
«Jesus, You take care of it.»
Do this for all your needs, do this all of you and you will see great continual
silent miracles. I will take care of things, I promise this to you.
Pray: «O Jesus, I surrender myself to You, take care of everything!»
I even sometimes becomes aware that my breath does not flow freely, and
every time I notice it, I pray a prayer of surrender to God, where I remember
to also surrender my breath.
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