The reason that many catholic prayers reminds us of our own physical death
is not because we are gloomy and do not enjoy life; it is because the awareness
of us passing from this life to the next, is necessary for balance in our earthly
life, and for psychological and mental balance and well being. It helps us to
embrace life with openness and confidence, and to always see the larger picture.
It is a fact that for many, it is only when they realize that they are "on the way
out", that they remember the things they have done that have hurt others, and
they die in fear, because their own conscience tells them that there is a judgement
coming, this is why regular use of The Sacrament of Confession is so necessary
during our life time.
Some people, former Catholics, and also protestants, like to amuse themselves
with joking about "Catholic guilt" as if it is a mental illness, when the truth is
that it is about being aware of the things we do that are not good; not for us,
not for others, and most of all; for us who believe: they hurt God, with whom
we want to be in relationship with. Awareness and honesty is indispensable.
It is not about whipping ourselves into an everlasting guilt trip, it is about
seeing and feeling sufficient remorse and pain to be motivated and find the
will to change and improve ourselves.
If we say; "but, sure, God loves me and forgives me anyway," that is much
less likely to produce real change.
I heard someone say that they did not want their grandchildren to see them
after they had died, because it "would leave a trauma". They said that having
seen their own grandparents layed out in the coffin, had left "a trauma" on
them when they were young, and they did not want that for their own
grandchildren.
But there is a difference between the pain and grief we experience when
loosing a close one, which is natural, healthy and necessary; an integral
part of life and not "a trauma", albeit it being painful.
A trauma, strictly speaking, is something deeply disturbing, which has
the capacity to create lasting disturbances in the psyche, because it was
something that ought not to have happened.
Although it is traumatic for a young child to loose a parent while they are
young, we do know, and we expect, our parents and our grandparents to die
at some stage, it is sad, but it is normal, life goes on.
What a healthy and holistic approach they had before when wakes were
the norm; 3 day long sometimes, when the body, exposed in the open
coffin, allowed for everybody to come and say farewell individually
and to pray together for the deceased, and then stay around with the
family, neighbors and friends, to talk, eat, have a drink, cry, tell stories,
laugh. Nothing more natural than that, people got the opportunity to
process the death that had taken place.
Death is part of life, when someone we knew well dies, it is also for us
a timely reminder that one day it will be us.
